Stare & Wonder

 

Hi.

Being awake at this moment, staring at the ceiling and wonder. How about saving some money and work on doing what I actually love? Other than I want to be happy to go work and spent my day doing my job, I want to stop questioning myself if my source of income halal, is it okay to continue working and receive the payment while knowing how much more work I should be doing compare to what I have been doing so far, for how much longer do I have to keep doing this and to not feel guilty every time my balance account bank increase on the payday. 

Sigh.

I neither feel great or be proud of myself. 

I know it is so hard for others to be employed, I have been in their shoes. When the company decide to hire me, I am so happy and excited! I never thought I could secure the job, I am not confident with myself to begin with. As I start working, I tell myself to be a good worker, brush up some skills and benefit myself with knowledges. I do. But, I guess it runs in every company (doesn't it?). Sometimes, we have to be who we are not. In other words, we faked. It is awkward when you are the first timers. 

As days go by, it actually shape us into who we are today. The way we working. Should we be proud? Can we? It is worth it? It is something good that we want to pass to others? What our parents would feel if they happen to find it out? Then, should I just quit? Will I get hired again if I resign from my current job? It is really challenging to secure a job nowadays as pandemic disease has blown us away. 

Endless of questions keep popping in my head. Can I get through this and figure it out?

Am still wondering tho.

If I happened to figure things out, I'll update again. I will come back. I promise.

Till then, xoxo

One Step At A Time

 

Hi there, may peace be upon you.

Just a quick post, I happen to watch a TikTok video which I instantly add it to my other saved videos. I know we think alike which we thought these videos we randomly watch seem related to us and we saved them as we might be in need of them in future that whenever we go down and so on but we didn't. Trust me, it's like less than 10% that we rewatched those videos. 

Anyway, I would like to share what's in the video.

It's a slow process but,

quitting won't speed it up.

Don't give up on the person you are becoming.

The vibes and of course the motivational quotes itself hit me hard because I'm struggling to lose my weight before end of this year. InshaaAllah I have a plan which it is a big decision that I made in my life, starting early next year. Yet I keep coming back and forth, sometimes I feels like to give up. Weight loss is never easy so I have decided to take it slowly and carefully by doing little by little at a time. It consumes me years to gain weight so I can't expect to lose my weight in short period, right? I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who's struggling, I want you to know that you are not alone. We are in this together. And I absolutely adore and respect many who have successfully lose their weight. You guys did great! You guys la people that inspire me a lot and I have to say that you guys being so generous by sharing tips and good knowledges all over social media. I learn a lot and it seems never to end. Thank you so much!

Hopefully I can enjoy my weight loss journey and embrace all the challenges to be who I want to be. InshaaAllah it is a better version of myself. To sum up, it's not that I don't love myself who I am now, it's just I want to love myself more and more. I believe it's what we called a selfcare and I strictly believe we deserved better. 

Last but not least, I wish you guys are in a good health. Take care of yourself and your loved one! Till we meet again.

Xoxo.

How Thoughtful He Can Be

*https://weheartit.com/entry/346687511*

It happened after one of my night shifts. I had finished my work and went home early in the morning, I usually would take a nap after work yet I had a plan to go out with him on that day because he got to go back to Selangor (he work there). I was worried that I might wake up late for our outing, I could over sleep. He told me to just take a nap and texted him when I woke up then we would decide. I went to sleep soundly thanks to him.

As soon as I woke up, I texted him. He then told me to get ready so I got dressed up accordingly and texted him back. He said he was coming for me, saying he would pick me up. I wasn't thinking, I remembered saying yes and only waited for him. After he arrived, we went to a fast food restaurant and filled up our empty stomach (even though it didn't looked as it, you know what I mean right, even if you don't that's okay) 👻. Then, we stayed at the beach until the sun almost set and he drove me home. Randomly, I asked him why he picked me up on that day. We even didn't make a plan on that.

He said, it was because of I was on my work night shift. He said, he thought I would be sleepy after staying up all night working. He thought I would be too tired to go out just to meet him after my working hours ended in the morning. He also determined to take me anywhere I want to so that I would not go there by myself, alone. He said, he wanted to keep me accompany while he was here.  

He then smiled. My heart was melting!

He's so thoughtful of me even when I don't realize he does. He's being a sweet guy when I least expected he would! He's paying a lot of attention to me when I pay less attention to myself. 💓

Things I Got from My Crush

It almost four years ago, yes it was 2015.