Hi.
Being awake at this moment, staring at the ceiling and wonder. How about saving some money and work on doing what I actually love? Other than I want to be happy to go work and spent my day doing my job, I want to stop questioning myself if my source of income halal, is it okay to continue working and receive the payment while knowing how much more work I should be doing compare to what I have been doing so far, for how much longer do I have to keep doing this and to not feel guilty every time my balance account bank increase on the payday.
Sigh.
I neither feel great or be proud of myself.
I know it is so hard for others to be employed, I have been in their shoes. When the company decide to hire me, I am so happy and excited! I never thought I could secure the job, I am not confident with myself to begin with. As I start working, I tell myself to be a good worker, brush up some skills and benefit myself with knowledges. I do. But, I guess it runs in every company (doesn't it?). Sometimes, we have to be who we are not. In other words, we faked. It is awkward when you are the first timers.
As days go by, it actually shape us into who we are today. The way we working. Should we be proud? Can we? It is worth it? It is something good that we want to pass to others? What our parents would feel if they happen to find it out? Then, should I just quit? Will I get hired again if I resign from my current job? It is really challenging to secure a job nowadays as pandemic disease has blown us away.
Endless of questions keep popping in my head. Can I get through this and figure it out?
Am still wondering tho.
If I happened to figure things out, I'll update again. I will come back. I promise.
Till then, xoxo